H.K.'s Talk Show Thing!
by Lord Hekon
Summary: Hey everyone! H.K. has a late night talk show with various Video Game characters as guests! Read and Review! Tonight's guest: Zidane! (FF9)


H.K. Coast 2 Coast: Mystery!   
by   
The Hamster King  
  
Disclamer: This was inspired of an episode from Space Ghost: Coast 2 Coast. I don't own SG: C2C, or Adult Swim. If I did, I wouldn't have to go to school because I could bribe all the teachers. Enjoy! All of the H.K.: C2C episodes take place in the Starship Kitty.  
  
Conversions:  
Space Ghost: Hamster King  
Zorak: Scuzzball  
Moltar: Bunny Lord  
  
Guest Apperances by:  
Zidane Tribal (Final Fantasy IX)  
  
1 2 3 [4] 5 6 7 [8] 9 0  
  
48  
  
BEGIN TRANSMISSION  
  
-Starship Kitty  
  
The Camera shows the sleek, white Starship Kitty hovering in space. It then pans inside the ship to H.K. who is looking out of the ship.   
  
H.K.: What's our depth?   
Bunny Lord: 30,000 leagues sir.   
H.K.: .....take her down to 31.  
Bunny Lord: WHAT?! Why?  
H.K.: ........because it's more better-like down there.  
  
Sounds of things banging across the ship's hull are heard.  
  
H.K.: Don't open it. It's the moose people.  
Scuzzball: I'm opening it.  
H.K.: Fool! If you open that door we'll drown!  
Scuzzball: Oh yeah? Fine with me!  
  
Scuzzball opens the door and a giant human hand puts a bowl of gelatin on the ground. The hand then leaves.  
  
H.K.: ....  
Bunny Lord: ....  
Scuzzball: ......  
Bunny Lord: Uh....  
H.K.: Holy sheep! It's the evil gelatin cubes! SURFACE!!! SURFACE!!!  
  
Bunny Lord takes the ship warp speed. Thusly crushing our hero against the ship.  
  
H.K.: SLOW DOWN!!!!!   
  
Bunny Lord slows it way down.  
  
H.K.: I'm blackin' out!   
  
H.K.'s voice echoes through the premises as the screen goes black. Time passes. The screen turns back on and we see that Scuzzball is lying on the floor dead. H.K. thens awakens and sees the incident.  
  
H.K.: Scuzzball is dead! MURDER! Bunny Lord, prepare the Nacho Intake Cycle!  
Bunny Lord: Yes sir, captain sir!  
H.K.: All we can do for now is indulge ourselves.......AND BRING IN MY FIRST WITNESS!!!   
  
H.K. runs to the teleporter and teleports Zidane Tribal to the ship. Zidane has a confused look on his face as he walks to a padded chair.  
  
Zidane: May I ask what the hell is going on here?! I have things to do!   
Bunny Lord: Like do erotic things with Dagger.  
Zidane: Yes, actually.  
Bunny Lord and H.K.: o.O  
Zidane: But, what is going on here?   
H.K.: You don't see it Zidane.....murder has befallen us! Someone killed Scuzzball.....by hitting him....WITH THIS MACE!!!  
  
We see that H.K. is holding an old gothic spiked mace.  
  
H.K.: O.O Um....the mace I'm holding.....er.....in my hand.   
Zidane: Well H.K., if somebody killed Scuzzball then why are you holding the mace?  
H.K.: Um....I was holding it...to check the fingerprints on it.  
Bunny Lord: Seems it was used earlier.  
  
H.K. eyeballs the gelatin cubes.  
  
H.K.: Alrighty cubes! Did you, or did you not hit Scuzzball in the head with this wrench?  
Cubes: ...........  
H.K.: ANSWER ME!  
Zidane: I don't think they did it H.K.  
H.K.: Then what about these Starburst pieces?  
Bunny Lord: Oh, those must have fallen out of my ears....  
  
H.K. looks displeased with Bunny Lord.  
  
Bunny Lord: We're you just making all this $%*@ up?  
H.K.: .........  
Bunny Lord: Oh, so you're the only one that gets to make $%*@ up?! IS THAT IT?!  
  
Scuzzball then wakes up and gets up.  
  
H.K.: What happened to you Scuzzball?  
Scuzzball: H.K., I'm not doing this stuff anymore! This sucks!  
H.K.: What sucks?  
Scuzzball: This stupid submarine thing! It sucks badly! I told you this was a dumbass idea!  
H.K.: ........   
  
H.K. cracks Scuzzball over the head with the mace, thus killing him again.  
  
Zidane: Ouch, must suck being a hamster king.  
H.K.: You haven't seen the worst of it Zidane. Oh, Bunny Lord, wasn't I supposed to fix something?  
Bunny Lord: Um....just the fusion gas pipe. In which YOU MADE BROKEN!!!  
  
The screen shows a cracked pipe. The words NO H.K. are on it.  
  
H.K.: Yeah, I know! Hey, let's break all these gas pipes!  
Bunny Lord & Zidane: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
H.K., with the mace, leaps up and shatters all the gas pipes.  
  
H.K.: Dive! Dive!  
Zidane: Uh...what's going on here?  
H.K.: Hold fast Zidane! (Voice grows gradually higher) We're going underwater!  
Zidane: (High voiced as well) Well, this is obvious.  
  
They all start laughing because they are getting 'happy'. Bunny Lord then hops onto the table.  
  
Bunny Lord: (High voice) Hey, H.K.! Get off the floor!  
H.K.: Why?  
Bunny Lord: The floor is evil....like Digimon evil!!!!  
  
Suddenly, Scuzzball comes to again.  
  
H.K.: What's with you?  
Scuzzball: I was hit with a mace!  
  
H.K. strikes him with the trusty wrench mace times. Scuzzball wobbles then falls down.  
  
Zidane: You wouldn't ever pull that crap with me.  
Bunny Lord: Have you figured out anything yet H.K.? Who killed Scuzzball!?  
H.K.: Look, I fit it all together.  
  
Zidane just laughs.  
  
H.K.: Scuzzball was slain......now he is.  
  
Zidane and Bunny Lord look at H.K.  
  
Zidane: What are you talking about?!  
Bunny Lord: He already was slain!  
H.K.:.......uh........again. Hey let's go talk by a campfire!  
  
The screen abruptly changes to the woods. Zidane is talking about Tantalus and his adventure to save Gaia, and Scuzzball is on the ground, still dead. H.K. looks at Bunny Lord.  
  
H.K.: Are you getting inspired?  
Bunny Lord: No......  
Zidane: My inspiration is when i'm fu-  
H.K.: Let's go back inside the ship where the gas is eh?!  
  
They go back to the ship. Zidane is still talking, then they all get 'happy' again.  
  
H.K.: Hey, do you think Garland would like this?  
Bunny Lord: Uh, Garland is dead.  
H.K.: WHO SLAIN GARLAND?! (looks at his mace) WITH A MACE?!  
Bunny Lord: He just died, dude.  
H.K.: Man, I'm nervous. Think he'll sue us?  
  
Zidane bursts out laughing.  
  
Bunny Lord: GARLAND IS DEAD!  
H.K.: I know that! You think I'm an idiot? OOOOOOOOO! Gelatin Cubes! We should build something Bunny Lord.  
  
SEVEN WEEKS LATER!!!!!  
  
  
  
H.K. and Bunny Lord are standing in front of a gelatin sculpture of Bahamut that they.....well.......sculpted.  
  
Bunny Lord: Wow.........what does it do?  
H.K.: It's symbolic, Bunny Lord! Things don't always have to DO things, now help find a gelatin socket for this gelatin plug.  
Bunny Lord: Uh...you think we should revive Scuzzball and send Zidane back?  
H.K.: What? And leave my Bahamut sculpture behind? Madness!  
  
Scuzzball comes to yet again!  
  
Scuzzball: Ow........what happened?  
  
H.K. cracks Scuzzball in the head yet again!  
  
Zidane: You think you would learn by now!  
H.K.: We need to get you to the hospital!  
  
They instead go to a nightclub. Zidane is laughing so hard he looks as though he could pass out any second.  
  
H.K.: You sure this is the hospital, Bunny Lord?  
Bunny Lord: (Dancing with a hot, sexy female Bunnyite) Uh.......yeah it is! I AM THE BUNNY!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!! ^____^  
  
Later they are on the Kitten, a smaller version of the Kitty.  
  
H.K.: (thinking) I know I missed it somewhere......  
Bunny Lord: You just missed the turn!  
H.K.: Oh yeah? Check this out!  
  
H.K. skids out of control and they crash. Bunny Lord is hurt severely.  
  
Bunny Lord: Oww.....what happened?  
H.K.: Bunny Lord, speak to me pal!  
Bunny Lord: I'm passin' out here.......  
H.K.: Are you okay?  
Bunny Lord: ......No.....  
H.K.: We need to get you to the hospital.  
  
Bunny Lord passes out.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Time Passes...........  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
It's still passin'...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Bunny Lord wakes up looking at a fluoresant light.  
  
Bunny Lord: Eeee......where am I?  
H.K.: You can get what you want ya need for your wounds, pal!  
  
Bunny Lord sees that they are in the grocery store. Scuzzball comes to verrrrrry causiously. When he sees that H.K. doesn't have the mace at this time, he acts natural.  
  
Scuzzball: ....erg......I need some Fish...  
Bunny Lord: ...some flavored.....  
Scuzzball: Liquid refreshment.........  
Bunny Lord: H.K.........  
H.K.: Wait....did the lights just flicker?  
  
Bunny Lord looks at the lights.......  
  
Bunny Lord: Nope......  
H.K.: I could have sworn that they did.  
Bunny Lord: H.K., they didn't blink.  
H.K.: Hold on....did they do it again?  
Scuzzball: I'm leaving.  
H.K.: I wonder.....  
Bunny Lord: Don't bother.  
Scuzzball: Don't follow me!  
Bunny Lord: Take me with you!  
H.K.: Wait a sec.....ROLL CALL! Bunny Lord!  
Bunny Lord: Slain!  
H.K.: Scuzzball.  
Scuzzball: BITE ME!!!!!  
H.K.: Zidane? Hey, where Zidane?  
  
We see that Zidane is dancing with hot babes at the nightclub.  
  
H.K.: Hey.......this would be a great opportunity to show you our new sponsor.  
  
Another H.K. appears by the original.  
  
H.K. 2: Fusion gas....  
H.K. 3: *snicker* heh......  
H.K. 4: IT GETS YOU OF THE IDEAING!  
H.K. 5: Weeeeee, doggee!!!!  
Scuzzball: *in the distance* Shut up!  
  
Our heroes go back to the Kitty.  
  
Scuzzball: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!  
H.K.: Hey........where is Scuzzball?  
Bunny Lord: In the heating ducts.  
Scuzzball: You stool pigeon!  
H.K.: Right, turn up the heat.  
  
Bunny Lord turns the heat up to the DANGER level.  
  
H.K.: Scuzzball, come down from there or I'm gonna hit you!  
Scuzzball: No!  
H.K.: Scuzzball, Bunny Lord and I are doing doing our damnedest to make this the number one show, and you're stuck in a heating duct?  
Scuzzball: Hm......I'm not coming out.  
H.K.: Oh........you will.  
Scuzzball: Can't make me.  
H.K.: With my little friend here.  
  
H.K. takes the mace, breaks the heating duct open, and climbs in. You can only see Scuzzball's eyes and mouth.  
  
H.K.: Now get out!  
Scuzzball: Damn you, H.K.!!!!  
H.K.: I'm stuck!  
Scuzzball: GET OUT OF HERE!!!!  
H.K.: BUNNY LORD, HELP ME I'M STUCK!  
Scuzzball: GET OUT!  
H.K.: COME ON, BUNNY LORD!!!!  
Scuzzball: GET OUT!!!  
H.K.: Come on, Bunny Lord! Scuzzball wants to be alone!  
Bunny Lord: All right, slide on out!  
H.K.: I can't! I'm stuck!  
Scuzzball: LEAVE!!!!!!!  
Bunny Lord: QUIT SLIDING BACK IN!!!  
H.K.: QUIT PULLING MY GREAVE OFF!!! DAMMIT, HELP ME!!!  
  
Scuzzball starts screaming every curse word he knows then the screen stays still. The screen then shows Bunny Lord and H.K. in an apartment.  
  
Bunny Lord: Um..this goes on for like....an hour.  
H.K.: Did you get The Hamster King vs. The Gerbil Lord, uncut?  
Bunny Lord: Uh....we recorded over that.  
H.K.: YOU WHAT?!  
Bunny Lord: Uh...we couldn't find it.  
H.K.: (scared) Then what was the point of destroying Neopia?  
  
Lights flicker across the screen.  
  
Mystery!  
  
Starring:  
The Hamster King  
Scuzzball  
Bunny Lord  
  
Also starring:  
Zidane Tribal  
  
The screen pans the grocery store with a bluish color....(static)......light appear again.....(static)....  
  
Rishka Industries   
  
....(Static)......  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Bunny Lord: Should we go back for Zidane?  
H.K.: Nah.......get me out of this damn pipe though!  
Scuzzball: FOR THE LOVE OF BASTET GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
H.K.: .......  
  
H.K. throws the mace at Scuzzball, knocking him out.  
  
H.K.: He was bothering me.  
Buuny Lord: I understand.   
H.K.: Why isn't the fic ending?  
Bunny Lord: Hold on. *leaves*  
  
END TRANSMISSION  
  
H.K.: Thank god.   
Scuzzball: LEAVE!!!!  
H.K.: ;.; why..........? 


End file.
